Getting closer and closer to Fall but it certainly doesn’t feel like it. Next week we are still expecting to get some 100º+ days. I’m still adjusting to my financial life after getting my promotion. Some work days have been intense with 10 meetings in a given day and multiple projects happening at once.

The S&P 500 closed at $4,515.77 on 9/1/23 , down slightly from $4,576.73 on 8/1/23 or -1.33%. A huge portion of my overall net worth is invested in the index. In terms of expenses I’ve had a few come up including $211 for my gym, $223 for hair loss product, $80-$100 grocery store bills, $70 for a new kickball team I joined, $80 for Spectrum internet, $95 annual Chase Sapphire credit card fee, $59 for drinks and dinner, $40 for a date, $87 for clothes, $21 for Max, and other random items. I get paid this upcoming Friday so the card will go back to $0.

I used the refund I got for my cancelled birthday trip ($1,227) last month and applied it toward my car loan. I still have a flight travel credit that’s available. Chipping down the loan by $2,227 took some sacrifice. I see the light coming at the end of the tunnel. I’m really thankful to have a high income where I can make these payments. Once the car loan is done I will have $1k/mo freed up for other activities.

Back to the drawing board with dating. Kind of out of left field, kind of not the guy I went on multiple dates with for weeks said “Hey elliot, I got serious with someone else. So whatever we have is gonna have to end”. I just said thanks for letting me know and good luck. Maybe that’s some beta male stuff, but honestly 10 days went by since our last date and he was making no effort to make plans. Two days before I asked will I get to see you again soon. He said Yes and Why do you say it like that. I generally have little trust in guys dating and this kind of reinforces it. Even when I try to give them space and be understanding it still doesn’t work out.

But the best way to get over rejection is to focus your energy on other activities. That is exactly what I’m doing. Cheers and keep on trucking along!

Man oh man… If you knew my story you’d be celebrating too. When I was just over a year old my father who was seemingly healthy had to go on dialysis and in effect was disabled from that point on. He got a kidney transplant nearly 11 years later, went back on dialysis 4 years later, then died close to 4 years later. When I was 10 years old my grandmother became disabled with emphysema and was forced to go into an early retirement. She died 6 years later and 5 years before my father did.

1999 – First Job $5.15/hr part-time while in high school
2001 – Graduated from high school / started college. Quit first job, got new job a few months later
2003 – Completed Associates Degree. Quit that job and came back after a few months.
2005 – Completed Bachelors Degree. First banking / office job $11/hr part-time worked 2 part time jobs. Bought used car.
2006 – Quit lower paying part-time job, started working full-time.
2007 – Got promotion at banking job but under sketchy circumstances.
2008 – Bought new car. Completed MBA, quit banking job due to stress being at all-time high and hating the job.
2009 – 6 months no job, worked as an exec assistant for a millionaire who paid me per diem out of the office / his house, pay was awful. Eventually he said he did’t have enough work for me. Went on income based deferment
2010 – Went back to banking for a year, met now ex-partner in November. Got off income-based deferrment.
2011 – Left New York for Texas, had no job for 6 months and burned through all my savings
2012 – Got first job in Texas, company went bankrupt bounced my paycheck. Got first job in a new field starting around $32k/yr. Started this blog at –$42k net worth
2013 – Started working at new company with a starting pay of $55k/yr. Turned 30. Started 401k contributions
2014 – Bought new car at 0% APR and regretted it soon thereafter due to transmission / power issues. Several years later the model was part of multiple class action lawsuits
2016 – Finished paying off student loans. Bought new car for $31k 1.9% APR. Also got hit with $8k in medical debt it took me almost a year to pay off.
2017 – Got promoted, along with a series of raises pay increased to over $70k/yr
2018 – Switched companies, pay increased significantly but lateral pay title change, got several raises
2020 – Hit $100k net worth. Became Debt Free, received a significant bonus.
2022 – Got promoted, received another bonus. Bought new semi-expensive car almost $40k before trade. Financed almost $26k. No longer debt free.
2023 – Turned 40. Hit $200k net worth. Got promoted again. Currently the most I’ve every earned in my entire life. Aggressively paying down car loan on target to have it paid off before end of year nearly 4 years early.

Lots of ups and down along the journey. At points I gave up but came back. Things could have taken a much different turn along the way especially if I let fear, uncertainty, and doubt get to me. 24 years since my first job I’m still going and will continue to push myself. It’s a blessing I’m where I’m at now and despite everything I’ve gone through to get here. Much love. Time for bed.

I broke down and bought a new 65″ TLC tv for a whopping $649.99. It’s got mini-LED, Dolby vision and looks freaking incredible in my living room. Donated the 2009 old 32″ TV in my bedroom to the Dallas Resource Center which hopefully it will go to a person in need. The 2017″ Samsung 49″ 4k TV is in my bedroom and looks great. A friend helped me mount it to the wall so it really frees up a lot of space.

I decided to sign up for an Equinox membership, it’s about $211/mo after fees are added. I have had a good stretch of workouts since joining and have been shifting more toward a CICO (Calories In, Calories Out) focus. Lost 10 pounds after being steady at it. Gained a few back since but I know what I need to do and am actively pushing myself harder now more than ever. I get $500 annually that I can put on my HSA for fitness with my letter of medical necessity from my general practitioner.

My dog was due for her vaccines, bloodwork, flea medication, got a $370 vet bill for that. Other recent expenses include a steel skillet set, some clothing, new sneakers, Hill Science dog food, and a few restaurant visits. I was supposed to out to Chicago today but got a sore throat and generally feeling icky… so I cancelled. Turns out I have an upper respiratory infection and an ear infection right before my 40th birthday. On day one of antibiotics and it’s helping other than the stomach issues. Trying something different to see if that helps… Anyway I got a credit for the flight but the hotel request was denied by Marriott. I didn’t want to spend $1200 on a hotel to begin with but decided to treat myself. That backfired… I submitted a claim to my credit card company and was on the phone for 90 minutes with Expedia. There’s a video that went viral a few years ago and the singer says “If God Don’t Do It, It Won’t Get Done” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlTS94AGdl4&pp=ygUkaWYgZ29kIGRvbid0IGRvIGl0IGl0IHdvbid0IGdldCBkb25l that’s how I feel about the situation. Just want to move on with my life and not think about it anymore. I’m a Leo, I know I’m dramatic.

The market is again at near all-time highs. Bears say there will be a correction. I’m inclined to agree with them, but I’m still going to get my tax credit and continue the dollar cost averaging. On the car debt front I still want to snap my fingers and have it disappear. $8,577 in debt vs $232k in investments not completely unreasonable. Those are numbers I can accept. A year ago my net worth was $189k so up 22% or $42k is still good right?

In other life updates – the small ant infestation in my laundry room light fixture has been resolved, it took an exterminator and his supervisor to come out and draw them out. Then the mildew spots on the bathroom ceiling were painted over so no longer an issue. I met someone last week who has been a sweetheart. I’d like to see where things go.

I’m not really sure what path my life is going right now. I just know that I’m not ready to retire yet and I’d rather not do anything that will lead to a pay cut or slowdown in hitting my goals. Also thankful for all the good things happening in my life. So much uncertainty happening right now, due to things outside my control. Working to protect joy and continue evolving as a man. Also need some excitement that is lacking due to not going on a trip at all this year… I should go to bed now.

99°, it’s sweltering hot outside. I don’t feel guilty about not going outside for some exercise. 15 minutes of walking results in being drenched with sweat….

For June it felt like the expenses didn’t stop coming. I bought a computer game Diablo 4 but up until recently I could not play it on my Mac due to Blizzard abandoning the Mac platform. So I bought a $48 cloud computing service for a month, a better solution to me than buying a whole new mini PC for the occasional game. Then a week later I figured out how to run it on my expensive MacBook Pro M2 Max laptop. Then my car insurance was up for renewal at $565, concert tickets to see Gladys Knight and Patti LaBelle who put on an amazing show. I used a week’s worth of vacation time and have another week coming up this week.

I had a small bike mishap that cost me $35 to repair and a little over $200 for the podiatrist visit (put on my HSA) where I was convinced I sprained my toe. I got x-rays, a boot and everything. Then 2 days later my toe was perfectly fine, full range of motion, no pain at all. Cancelled my Friday followup appointment today. The worst part was trying to figure out how to get home. Biking 3 miles in the heat with a busted wheel was no fun at all.

Potential expenses – I’ve been wanting a bigger television for my living room for a while but up until now have talked myself out of it. The 5k computer screen is enough aside from when I have company over. which is pretty infrequent still. Same with the Acura Integra Type S. Lots of performance, sportier design than my A-Spec Tech Package but is it almost finance $20,000 more better? Really quite debatable when you consider that most roads in the area outside of the highway you can’t really enjoy it all, sort of like with a supercar. In terms of hours of work, another 600 hours of work for a depreciating accent? Naaaaah. I’ll just put my car in sport mode, work the paddle shifters and pretend I have the fast version.

For gym memberships I’ve been doing a lot of research on Equinox. The cost isn’t cheap at around $230/mo. That’s $2,760 annually. I lift and do cardio, no classes because I feel like a major doofus trying to keep up with the trainer. Maybe spin would be different from yoga, dance, Zumba or something but still…. If I did decide to hire a trainer it would be even more. So the alternatives are joining the other Anytime location that wouldn’t take me because I’m not a member of their location, sticking with the busy city gym I signed up for last month ($20 for the one month I signed up for or like $115/yr), or joining another gym in the area. The Lifetime near me is awful and the LA Fitness is not any better with some calling it the worst in the metroplex.

Speaking of the car I’m super happy that in about 8 months I’ve been able to pay 63% of what I originally borrowed. Had I stuck to the 60 month payment plan that would look much more like 14% and a wee bit more interest. Most people don’t do what I do and I’m perfectly fine with that.

I certainly do feel a bit of FOMO having vacation time I need to use before I lose it and not having any trips planned out. I want to go on a trip with a bf, partner, or even a friend. None of that seems in the cards right now until August for my upcoming 40th birthday.

Dating continues to be a disaster, I’ll be brief. One potential match had to go back to law school and never would answer me about what’s going on in his world, the other on the 2nd date told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious despite showing interest in December and suggesting otherwise on the first date. Another is vacationing in Mexico for a few weeks lol. A friend told me he and his husband got married after a month. That to me is crazy talk but then again I also don’t trust anyone.

It recently marked 24 years since my grandmother passed away, and my dad was 19 years. It’s hard when the family you are closest to is gone and all those memories that could’ve been just aren’t. Like high school, or any of my 3 college graduations, learning to drive, celebrating a new job, promotion, family trips, leaving home, coming out, etc. Then being physically distant from the rest, or sort of estranged by my grandfather whom I haven’t seen in 14 years and he only reached out to me once, by accident. The most important way to honor those who are gone is to live a rich fulfilling life and find happiness no matter what trials the tribulations arise.

Not living in the past is something I need to practice more often. I think a lot of people I’ve met over the years aren’t really my friends. Maybe they were for a season or multiple seasons. Then they move away without even saying bye, or thanks for our friendship, nothing. I guess I expected just a *little* bit more. Aside from my inner circle and I’m going to focus more on me going forward. Just deleted the Facebook app off my phone for good measure to break the addiction. Health, energy, and good vibes are the most important things right now. Healing from rejection and feeling of inadequacy is a process.

Last year 7/1/22 I was at $171,997, and that’s before I even bought the new car. So up $49,522 or 29% is pretty good in my book. I might not own a home but I’m doing something right. Thank you stock market, steady job, and retirement accounts!

For anyone who still reads this, Happy 4th! Much love. Do you have a personal finance blog I should look at?

Note – I had $206k as my net worth but then the market went up 1.45% on Friday so this recent snapshot reflects that.
Just made back from the Janet Jackson concert at Dos Equis Pavillion in Dallas. The concert vibe is something else, we all shared the love of one of our musical icons. I’ve been listening to her music for as long as I can remember which for me was around 1988. Yet in all these 35 years I have never once been to a concert. The performance was amazing, she was up dancing an singing, never skipping a beat. 57 years old and she was dancing circles around me at 39… 😮 The tickets were $135.40 when I did the presale back in December. I bought a 24oz Watermon White Claw for $21 after tip. That’s almost the price of 2 6 packs from Target. 🤯 I just had one and grabbed a late dinner from the nearby 24hr Whataburger.

My mom’s birthday happened recently and I bought her a deluxe set of flowers with same-day delivery since I almost forgot. She loved them and I didn’t think twice about the $100.45 less 15% cashback I’ll be getting. The least I can do since I’m 1600+ miles away. She told me about flowers purchased from the grocery store and that sort of set me off. Like subconsciously her only child isn’t doing anything for her birthday.

The month also marked the 19th anniversary of my father’s passing and the loss of the legendary Tina Turner. I deleted all my dating apps then reactivated with a shift in approach. Rule #1 – I can’t live on them. Rule #2 – Keep my expectations low so if I get ghosted by someone I can’t take it personally. Rule #3 – Make a life for myself outside of dating.

I recently started using a VPN to get lower prices on streaming services. YT Premium is almost half, HBOMax worked fine until they rebranded to max.com and I couldn’t access it in the country I was using. So I had to cancel and reactivate the US service I was using. I still pay US prices for Disney+/Hulu, Netflix, AppleOne, SiriusXM.

My dog has been particularly expensive lately, the latest chapter was $181 in vet bills following the $450 just like a week earlier, and a $145 bill about 2 weeks week before that. Cleaning up vomit from a dog that can’t take the medication given and refuses to eat is a whole kind of stress I really wasn’t eager to deal with. At the beginning of the whole ordeal I was thinking of euthanizing the dog and was holding her and crying. Got 3 X-rays, two physical exams, an antibiotic, medication to help with a swollen liver pushing into her spleen, another injection to help with pneumonia, flea medication, drops for an ear infection, a probiotic, heartworm test, bordatella injection. She bounced back though I like to think in part due to my swift actions. The day will come eventually but hopefully we have a few more years left.

Saw the new The Little Mermaid movie with friends and thought the main characters put on an amazing performance. It brought a smile to my face hearing a little black girl say she’s so beautiful. I’m not saying we need to make everything black but a little bit of representation goes a long way.

On Memorial Day I drove out to the Southlake Apple Store to have them look at my $500 AirPods Max headphones. A little bit out of the way but it was the first appointment available and I didn’t want to waste my entire day waiting. No matter what I did they wouldn’t reset or pair with my devices. They were definitely still covered under warranty and had no physical damage. The Genius confirmed the issue and said I should get them back in 3-5 business days. FedEx dropped them off at my door this afternoon without incident and no charge. I am a little iffy about the longevity of this product since I don’t have an extended warranty on it. Then again there are rumors of a refresh later this year or next year so I might just do my normal upgrade cycle thing. I was super impressed at this massive and incredibly bright screen that stretched from floor to ceiling.

I almost hit the buy button for a 65″ tv for my living room area. There are great deals for Memorial Day, but…. For the features I wanted it’s still a lot of money after $1800+ on a vacation, $700+ in vet bills, $1k in car payments, new clothes and some other big expenses.

I switched over from AT&T to T-Mobile and in addition to the mistake the rep made when giving me a hearing impaired plan, he also signed me up for an additional voice line. I discovered that when getting an autopay message that over $300 would soon be paid out of my account instead of $140 ($70/mo x 2). I needed to call them twice back to back over the course of 42 minutes to resolve. The first rep totally was clueless when I said I didn’t get the math for a $50 credit. Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly from here.

One of the prevenative medications I took was extremely difficult to get through insurance. The last time I tried to get a refill insurance wouldn’t cover any of it and their system said $2300. I switched to another medication that does something similar but more potential side effects but offering a generic option and it was free and they gave me a 90 day supply over a 30 day. Go figure. I bought a wifi-connected blood pressure cuff since on my HSA, some hair loss medication, and paid an outstanding doctor bill hence the decline.

I think it was a good month. I put a dent in my auto loan, got my credit card balance back to 0. I did have to pull some money from my Emergency Fund and am trying to get that back up again. What isn’t clear to see by these number is my rent is not only paid up for the rest of June but also the month of July. My lease is also up for renewal. Home prices are still at historic highs, even though my ex just bought a $1M house and is making a handsome profit on his old one.

Shortly after my last post I took some car pictures at a local lake, they turned out pretty well. Here are a few. My life in pictures…

I just raised my 401k contribution back up now that most of my big bills are behind me. Really the car insurance is the only one outside of my car loan and that will be around $560 in about 2 weeks. So $206k vs $183k a year ago, $151k 2 years ago, $23k 5 years ago, and -$40k 10 years ago. Sometimes it feels like I’m moving at a sloth’s pace but not too long ago I wondered if my net worth would ever be positive. Thankful I was able to break through these challenges and set the path for the next phase of my life. Ok it’s 2:40am now I should be sleeping. 😴

It’s technically April 29, 2023 as I type this but May 1st is Monday and a new month.

The month has mostly been a blur. On the weekends I play kickball though a few times the games were rained out. During the week I play billiards. Some weekends I practice billiards. Occasionally I’ll see a movie with friends. This month I saw Chevalier, Renfield, The Super Mario Bros. The movies all good for different reasons. I’ve been binging in Star Trek: Picard and The Mandalorian. Both amazing series but STP brought back an incredible sense of nostalgia having watched my first TNG episode back in 1990 with the columbia house videocassettes.

Earlier this month I had a very interesting experience wth my cell provider. For over 2 years I’ve had a 5G phone and 15 with AT&T. However my speeds started getting obnoxiously slow. I reset network setting, rebooted my phone, double checked my data usage. So I called them and spoke for 20 minutes, turns out there are no 5G towers in my immediate area. The f*cking headquarters are less than 20 miles away and there are at least 2000 people who live on just the same street as me. I was livid, so that night I did some research about which providers have the best coverage in Texas. T-Mobile came up time and time again for multiple states.

My T-Mobile experience has been lukewarm. The rep put me down on a hard of hearing plan after I told him to put the chime on the iPhone you had to go in accessibility settings. Then I got home and data worked but not voice. I had the top end Magenta Max plan but downgraded to Magenta at a cost of $70/mo from the $81 I was paying. Giving it a trial run but so far aside from the service initially being slow inside things are improving. Spectrum Mobile is another option if I want to go the frugal route, but there’s a story there…

So for funzies I decided to upgrade to the Spectrum Gig plan at an additional $20/mo bringing the cost up to $100/mo. However I wasn’t seeing the max speed it was supposed to provide on WiFi 6. So I dropped $250 on a fancy Google Nest Wifi Pro 6E router with 2 pods to form a mesh network. Wi-Fi 6E on this device is supposed to offer up to 5.4 Gbps… but in reality that wasn’t happening. More like 600Mbps on the latest MacBook Pro and iPhone 14 Pro hadware. I changed a ton of different settings. Still the same speeds as before. So I called to cancel and had to talk to 3 reps before they were able to resolve my issue. The previous ‘Ultra’ plan was 500Mb download speed and I got a low promotional rate. However once I upgraded, in order to downgrade back that promotional offer ending in January essentially expired. So back on hold…. Eventually they let me keep the faster service and gave me a $20/mo discount to match the previous plan I had. If Frontier didn’t leave a bad taste in my mouth I might’ve switched back.

I just made it home from a Costco run for a few essentials. On a Saturday afternoon I know crazy right… Was sitting in my car dreading walking in but the experience wasn’t too bad. I also ordered some new clothes online with cashback from Rakuten, on friends & family sale, with a new customer code, free shipping, and get cashback on my Chase Sapphire card.

Net Worth is back to $200k again. I’m happy about that, I’ve been steady doing what I can. I did lower my 401k contribution down to 6% from 21%, for a day but then I thought about the long term impact of that decision and quickly reversed. Homes in DFW are also at near record highs from an unaffordability perspective and lots of 1st time homebuyers have regrets about tax assessments going up $100k, or maintenance costs being higher than expected. Near my hometown on Long Island you can stay in a Luxury studio or 1br apartments at The Selby starting at only $3,800/mo. Only $2,666 more per month, that’s a walk in the park right? I wanted to do triple monthly car payments but can only do double unless I stop contributing to my Roth temporarily. I took my dog to the vet for vaccinations and that was $144. My car has some minor paint damage from a recent storm we had with hail. That will run me about $250 to fix on Monday and they come right out to my apartment. Life costs money, even if you cut back. Responsible / practical but not overly strict and the occasional splurge is my approach.

I’m learning as I get older that a lot of the story I have that limits me is in my head. Sometimes you just set yourself a timer and just do however much is humanely possible in a short period of time. That’s what I started doing at least. Cleaning, applying a job, sending an e-mail. It doesn’t have to be *that* complicated. There are also situations where you put too much weight or pressure into something and sort of sabotage it.

Professionally I would love to get promoted and am actively trying to do so. Nothing happens overnight but I’ve been in this industry since early 2012 and many director roles want 10 years experience. If this were to happen I’d see a big bump in salary. There are also other opportunities I’m keeping my eyes out for. A few have approached me on LinkedIn but for companies I thought were in a delcining industry like Real Estate, or a startup. To me startup = high risk, especially if their funding gets cut or is on shaky ground to begin with.

Put my best foot forward and if it happens great, if not I’m not going to lose sleep over it. I have exceeded the aspirations I had in 2008 when I finished grad school. Back then I wanted a job that would pay me $50k/year, adjusted for inflation that’s $70k. I’ve been well above that for over half a decade now.

Completely unrelated, I’m not sure if you saw the buzz from Mr. Money Mustache. He bought a Tesla Model Y whch is controversial because people see him as the frugal guy who spends money on nothing. See his post ‘Frugal Man Buys $52,000 Car – Why??‘. I kind of can relate to him having bought a new car last year when I had a paid off car that didn’t have any major mechanical issues. However in my case it was more a timing thing. Value of old car decreasing rapidly, interest rates rising, and wanting something a bit better on gas. What I owe on the car today is under 6% of my total net worth.

I’m a grown man now, registered this wordpress as a .com, so debtfreealpha.com instead of debtfreealpha.wordpress.com. Time to walk the dog, hit up the gym and seize the day.

Technically morbidly obese but I’m still up and kicking.

Earlier this month I came to the realization I had a problem with spending on takeout food. On average it’s about $25 every time I put in an order and was doing it 5x a week. So $125/wk or $500/mo and or $6k per year. Along with that comes a nice side of high blood pressure and and extra 30 pounds. 271 pounds was my high and that was really awful.

Still doing damage control from years of stress eating, binge eating, not sleeping, high sugar consumption, and not consistently exercising. My weight was 268 this morning so that’s a small improvement. A long way to go…

This month I haven’t done any travelling, I don’t have any plans to go anywhere short term. I was also extremely bitter that someone I chatted with on/off for 120 days who lives <20 miles from essentially ghosted me. He told me he went to a funeral. I said I sorry and asked if needed anything. “No I’m good”… a week goes by and I just fairly unassumingly text Hey. No response even 10 days later. Deleted his texts, name, and number from my phone. Henceforth not chatting with anyone in their 20s. Got burned twice in the last 6 months and learned my lesson.

On to the finances. 401k is down slightly due to softness in the stock market. I did get a small tax refund back of <$400, largely due to some losses from last year related to cryptocurrency. Continuing to add to the Roth IRA , and small weekly additions to the M1 account. On cash the numbers here are a bit misleading. My car payments are caught up until 4/5/23 and I don’t owe another rent payment until 5/1/23.

On the car I’m still chiseling away, made a $647.10 payment on 2/4, a $500 payment on 2/9, and a $487.18 payment on 2/23. I did receive the refund check from the warranty on my last car almost 100 days later… Excluding interest I have about 30 payments remaining on a 60 month loan. It’s a grind but I’m seeing the results. Some people finance a car for 72 months at a crazy high interest rate, not on my watch. Without this debt I’d have over $200k net worth and crazy low overhead.

Not letting money burn a whole in my pocket is sort of a life hack. I basically have every material posession I think I will need for a while. A house / condo / townhouse still seems super unattainable right now. $280k or $320k? For that? What about the mortgage interest, the maintenance and the taxes. Older folks don’t realize how unattainable home ownership is these days, especially for a single person. Even the nicer properties to rent here in the lovely walkable West Village start near $1840.

A year ago my net worth was $182k, but I also didn’t have an auto loan. The market has also been down about 8% since a year ago. April 2021 I was at $150k and April 2020 just around the time I started working from home I was closer to $50,454. 5 years ago a mere $35k. So lots of improvement long term even if short term it doesn’t look the best.

I’ve also been shopping around gyms. I kind of think I should have one gym membership where I can workout with a friend and another where I can go solo. So my Anytime Fitness membership and then maybe Lifetime or Crunch. I really want Equinox but not for 60% the amount of a car payment. The Anytime location called me and said if I wanted to keep going to that location I’d have to spend an additional $20/mo from the $32 I’ve been paying. A 62.5% increase in price for the same membership experience didn’t really seem fair to me. Especially as a customer for years.

In closing I’m trying not to stress about life, or get burned out but it’s hard. Between the reorg, my plethora of meetings (one day I had 10!), timely deliverables, and a Windows 7 laptop with an obnoxiously loud fan that Google won’t even support with the latest web browser…I’m starting to see why people go on sabbaticals especially since I haven’t gone on a vacation / taken a break from working longer than 2 weeks since 2012.

I guess gay men tend to go on more vacations because of good taste and more disposable income often due to lack of a high maintenance partner, or the lack of kids. One of my good friends is in New Zealand and I’m having FOMO. The last time I left the country was to go to my ex’s wedding in 2017, almost 6 years ago. That kind of makes me feel like a failure, only having 1 relationship since late 2014 and even then we never went travelling anywhere together. Lately I’ve just been feeling lost. Do I stay here or do I move somewhere? I don’t think going back to NY is the right answer but I’m also not really happy with Dallas. I like social activities that don’t involve alcohol, but most of the gay scene is around drinking and partying.

Also the pressure of turning 40 in just over 5 months. Not really where I want to be. I also fucked things up royally in my 20s when I quit a job without having an action plan. Today I’m earning the most I ever have in my entire life and there’s no guarantee of finding a higher paying position with less stress. Plus all jobs suck in some capacity… I guess in closing there’s one bit of advice I can give myself. It’s a marathon not a sprint. Time for bed now.

Captain’s log – supplemental.

The news of corporations laying off staff is nothing new to me.
2012 – It happened to me at the glass manufacturing company I worked with less than 2 months after getting hired.
2013-2017 – At my next employer there were multiple rounds of layoffs and I didn’t know when I might be next. After 3 rounds of it and a leaner and leaner team I started looking at options. Thankfully the economy was stable then and I was able to land another job through my network.
2020-Now – There have been a few in the org including those I report to who have been impacted over the years. Positions getting eliminated, furloughs, bankruptcy and other stuff I won’t go into detail here. Fast forward to February 2023 it’s happening again. Roughly 7 people I have worked with personally impacted but hundreds more across the org. Some may get severance packages but I’m guessing it’s a week or 2 for each year of service. Not the months and months some people get at other companies. I feel for them, through no fault of their own things went from a normal week to finding out their position was eliminated.

Am I personally impacted? Yes and no. Emotionally there has been a huge impact. However I still have a job and haven’t needed to take a pay cut or demotion. I am however concerned that I may be at the end of the road regarding promotions at the organization. Also highly unlikely I’ll get a bonus this year if I stay.

What am I doing about all of this? Currently I’m taking two marketing courses on Coursera. One is part of a 7 course program related to marketing and e-commerce, the other is related to the shifts happening between Digital and Analog. Also looking at job postings daily since no one is going to act on my behalf. The jobs I’m looking to apply for pay $140k-$160k but finding them with a match for my skillset has proven quite difficult.

I feel for people who are currently dealing with layoffs, I know how defeating that can be. I can do a week’s worth of modules in a day, over about an hour or so. I skim through the transcript and run on double speed.

Also making a concerted effort to eat healthier and stop ordering food from restaurants. My stress levels have been through the roof and my weight hit 271 at 5’9. If I don’t come up with better ways of managing the stress / eating better I’m just going to get fatter and more miserable. Not to mention be at higher risk for cardiovascular disease, and diabetes. So yeah calm the f*ck down and treat myself right. It starts with sleep and putting healthier items in the kitchen. $25 a meal on Doordash is ridiculous and half the time it’s loaded with sodium, calories, sugar, and fat.

Older people say young people aren’t loyal to corporations anymore. I’m not “young” but can you really blame them? Millennials have gone through so much and we’re not even 40. The dot-com bubble, housing crash, record high inflation, a global pandemic, recession, and a drop in high paying tech jobs we were taught to idolize the last 20 years. Ok bed time.. Zzzzz